Phillip wasn’t new to therapy, despite what everyone might think or how he behaved, but he wasn’t sure if he could call fucking his therapist on her consulting room’s desk “progress” when it came to his therapy. Rose thought otherwise, Rose could be a little too optimistic sometimes, and Phillip wasn’t sure whether that was her job or not. She had pointed out that the way he recognized his own attitudes and issues and tried to push them aside, although not a healthy habit, was in a way his own way of fighting them and not letting them influence him.
So they started working on those same issues, and Phillip truly knew progress, at some point he even felt he had nothing left to talk about, and he was about to quit therapy himself, but it wasn’t for him to say, so he stayed, and realized there were still things to talk about.
He’d have the off days lately, where he wasn’t sure what to talk about, he’d been thinking the last few weeks every day before the day he had therapy of what he could talk about, sometimes it would turn up blank, sometimes Paul would strut into the store and the question would be answered.
Today, either lucky for him or unfortunately, Phillip had yet to hear Paul’s complains getting closer and closer to where he usually worked at the back of the store, and it was almost time for him to go, he worked better at home anyways when it came to replying emails and stuff, so instead he sat back looking at his laptop and swiveling lightly in his chair before he came up with a distraction, smirking and taking his phone.Phillip: Hey gorgeous—Baby 🔥:Hey hot stuff—Phillip:Wow quick reply, missing me already?—Baby 🔥:Saying hi again after meeting me for lunch, miss me already?Phillip’s smirk was close to a grin now, partially at their banter, partially at the memory of “lunch”.
Phillip:Is that what we’re calling quickies in my office now?—Baby 🔥 :Well you know I hate the word quickieUgh, can’t even type it…He chuckled quietly, picturing her lip quirking at the word, he replied with a laughing emoji, in all fairness 30 minutes of fucking against the wall isn’t necesseraly quick.Phillip:Why don’t I pick you up from work later and have a not-so-quick quickie at home?—Baby 🔥 :Against the windows this time?—Phillip:Fuck yes.—Baby 🔥 :Deal 😏
He was shifting on his chair already, jaw clenching, now almost desperate for the clock to go faster, stealing glances at it with a bouncing leg until it was time for him to go, he snatched his jacket off of his chair in a rush and left, sighing when the air from the street hit him, and taking out his pack of cigarettes and his lighter as he walked with his chin up towards the bakery, blowing smoke out of his nose and thinking about her, like he hadn’t fucked her just four hours ago, like he wouldn’t go to sleep next to her, maybe it was exactly that what got him so hot for her all the time, he had come to think.
He turned the corner, his cigarette halfway burnt as he looked towards the windows of the bakery, coming closer into view, he couldn’t help a cocky grin as he laid back on one of the small table they had set up on the sidewalk, taking a long drag and smiling bigger when his baby walked out of the kitchen door talking to Erica, who came behind her.
But, when they walked out, his girlfriend stopped talking and turned, Erica turned as well, and that’s when Phillip’s eyes followed their direction and landed on a blonde guy walking next to them, Phillip’s brow furrowed. He didn’t know that guy.
He knew Loui, and that wasn’t him, so he kept on looking, Erica talked to him for a bit, signaling at the register and moving her fingers over what he guessed were the buttons of the register, and after they turned again, and they all started talking, but Phillip’s eyes were over him, and the way he kept turning and nodding at his baby with a smile.
It would be completely normal if it wasn’t for the fact that when Erica spoke, he didn’t always look at her, he smiled at them, and they both chuckled at something he said, he gestured around in front of the coffee machine, licking his lips and grinning slowly when his baby spoke to him.
Phillip stood straighter now, sure maybe he could be exaggerating, but he knew what the blondie was doing, he knew that move, and the fact that whatever he replied made his girlfriend laugh made Phillip’s heart skip a beat.
He blinked, lowering his gaze then, the feeling that came over him familiar, definitely not missed, he looked up again and she was nodding up at him as he explained something, taking a cup and some coffee and pouring it on the cup, giving it to her, and he could tell she was thanking him, next he gave her a small jug of steamed milk and moved his hands around in instruction.
Phillip felt his lips part and his stomach flutter, his leg starting to bounce a little as he took a harsh drag of what was left of his cigarette, the guy was standing close to her, watching her pour the milk into the cup, when she spilled, he smiled down at her and had the fucking audacity to take her hands in his, extending his fingers, Phillip took a deep breath.
It wasn’t long after that that they finally fucking stopped what they were doing, his baby wiped her hands on her apron, that apron he knew looked way too hot on her, and she took it off, hanging it up on the wall by the register and making a face while still talking to that guy, he laughed, leaning forward to be closer to her, and she waved goodbye at both him and Erica.
Finally, she turned and met his eyes, smiling even bigger than before, but he could barely smile back as he watched him, still inside and watching her leave with a smirk before he too saw Phillip, and in return he gave him a stern mouth and knives in place of his eyes, his bold fucking smirk falling quickly.
Phillip’s death stare didn’t falter as she opened the door and walked to hug him and kiss the corner of his mouth, but his head was somewhere else, somewhere where his head was thrumming with noise, insecurities, his girlfriend smiling at another man, he guessed he had found something to talk about tomorrow. Phillip hated this feeling.
“Who 's that?” he asked finally, his voice a little quieter than he would’ve liked to show.
His baby looked up at him, then back at the bakery, putting her jacket on.
“Oh, Noah!” she pointed her finger back casually as she started walking away, and he followed her movements “He just got hired as a barista, Loui’s starting plans on that expansion I told you about, and he wanted us to show him the place, he was teaching us some of that foam art they do at cafes”
She smiled as she told him about it, and Phillip kept looking forward, wondering why he couldn’t just listen to her like he normally did.
“Hm, cool.” he said, not really being able to muster much more at her apparent interest with the guy.
Does she talk about me like that?
Did she even tell him about me? No, she clearly didn’t.
“I don’t know how he pours the coffee so confidently, I kept spilling it, you just gotta do all the swirling so fast…” she explained to him.
Phillip shook his head, he was being stupid, he wasn’t angry at her, it wasn’t like that, he knew this, and confirmed it as she told him about Noah, he went to college, but decided while he worked a full time job he would also learn to be a barista, then realized he liked it so much he wanted to live off of it, he had a dog, a husky, he told witty jokes, and he knew a lot about coffee.
“And does he grin like a creep at everyone?” he asked, out of pure spite.
She looked up at him with a furrowed brow.
“What?” she asked, taken by surprise.
The thing was…he sounded nice, really nice, the kind of nice that doesn’t need therapy, that visits his parents on the weekends and hugs both of them unnecessarily tight, the guy that studied in college and didn’t have trouble being responsible. Phillip wasn’t that kind of guy, he had made so many mistakes, he usually didn’t regret many of them, the past is in the past, so why was he beating himself up now?
“Just the way he was smiling when you left” Phillip mumbled, now wanting to take back his defensiveness.
Maybe because he wished he could have been better, maybe because he fears some of his mistakes can never truly be mended or accounted for.
“I said something about me spilling the coffee, that was probably why” she shrugged, and to her it was just that, but Phillip wasn’t seeing that at the moment, his head was far too busy.
“Yeah well he stopped smiling when he saw me.” he pointed out, instinctively, looking back at where they were coming from.
He felt her hand slide into his, interlacing their fingers and squeezing, making Phillip look back at her, his eyes twitching around her face, smiling up at him as she chuckled quietly, pulling a small smile out of him.
“Are you jealous?” she said, a teasing tone in her voice, and he looked away again, biting the inside of his cheek.
“No, no I just…didn’t get a good vibe from him” he said to try and keep to himself, and his quiet tone seemed to be enough for the subject to be dropped.
He found out soon enough why they needed Noah in the bakery, turns out Loui was planning some type of expansion, wanted to buy the vacant store next to them and turn it into a cafe area or something, and they needed a barista, which Phillip thought was Erica’s job, but was later explained by his girlfriend that no, a barista knows more than how to work a coffee machine, and Phillip had even felt a little embarrassed at the thought that he did know that, he just needed to find a sense in which Noah was irrelevant.
It was a hard task to manage, it turns out, given that he was apparently a very interesting person, and had already been added to a new group chat made by Erica, where he’d send pictures of his husky, Conan, and make his girlfriend swoon and aww.
Phillip wasn’t getting any better at handling whatever fucking problem he had with the guy, he was pissed most of the time and when he wasn’t he felt this…noise, this unnessesary worry about him, he would bite his cheek and exhale through his nose when he thought about it.
Like right now, as he looked around the shared apartment, trying to remind himself that they loved each other, that it was what mattered, not the past, not the way she had ached.
The door opened as he recalled it, dissociating in it’s direction with a worried brow, his eyes trailed up waiting for her to appear, and as she did, with a small smile on her face, the noise in his head became a little louder, his jaw clenched.
“Hey handsome…” she called him handsome, and gave him a kiss, she was with him, that was what mattered “What are you up to?” she stood up straight again, looking down at him.
“Nothing, just…” his stomach felt empty “Hungry, actually” he pointed out.
“Yeah, me too” she looked on the direction of the kitchen, the quirk in her lips making him smile a little, maybe he could quiet down now “There’s some leftovers in the fridge, can you heat those up while I take a shower? I’ll be quick”
He nodded as she smiled at him and walked away, he stood up and got to doing that, setting up two plates and serving them a while later just as she came out of the shower letting down her hair from the hair clip she was wearing.
He noticed the outfit, some nice jeans and a dark green top, it looked great on her, and he smirked before he realized it was fancier attire than she usually wore at the end of the day.
“You going somewhere?” he asked when they were finishing up, his smirk still in place as she grabbed her phone and checked it quick, smiling down at it.
“Oh we’re going out for a drink, maybe two” she commented, wiggling her brows as she picked the plates up and took them to the sink.
“We? I didn’t know it was date night” he joked, chuckling as he followed her steps back towards him.
“I mean we as in Erica and Noah” she smiled shaking her head “He just texted the groupchat saying we were bad influences, he didn’t wanna come because it’s a Thursday, it’s just a drink”
She shrugged at him while she gathered her purse and put some boots on, and Phillip leaned back on the table, crossing his arms as he realized she was smiling at his text, his stomach churning a little.
“Noah 's going?” he asked after a moment of silence, not wanting to sound angry, because well, angry wasn’t his emotion at the moment.
At least not towards her, or Noah to be fully honest. She looked up at him, her brow meeting in the middle as she stopped what she was doing.
“Yeah, he’s our coworker” she explained simply.
“You’ve known him for like a week” he retorted, and he thought it was a fair point.
“Well we like him” she raised a brow.
Phillip hummed, or grumbled, something in between.
“I bet you do…” he mumbled, feeling his chest sting.
“Oh my god” she exclaimed, her eyes a little wider as she stood up. “I don’t get why you’re so jealous of him!” he clenched his jaw at that, looking away at the observation “I’m with you Phillip! Not him!”
She tilted her head to the side, grabbing her jacket, she didn’t sound angry, not really, just…exasperated, which was maybe worse for Phillip because well, he didn’t want to bother her, he didn’t mean to, he just felt so bad, so defensive.
His mouth pressed in a pout, and then in an effort to hide it he looked down, biting his cheek.
“What?” she asked, it was calm.
He didn’t want to bother her, she was about to go out, with him. He probably knows how to console someone, he probably doesn’t make things a joke like he does, did…whatever.
“Nothing, you’re right.” he said, because she was.
She had taken him back, two years ago, so why was this bothering him? It hadn’t bothered him in so long…he thought it was past him.
“Phillip…tell me.” she insisted.
“I…I don't know…” he said lowly, because how could he begin to explain it?
“You can tell me” she tilted her head forward, still looking into his eyes.
How could he explain it? He didn’t want her to think he still wasn’t over it, maybe he didn’t want to admit to himself that he wasn’t over it, she was over it, and she suffered much more, so why couldn’t he just fucking get over it, it was stupid.
“I just…” he felt it was dumb, a little ridiculous “I have this feeling sometimes, since…since we started dating again…” it made him feel insecure, sad, he fucking hated that “It’s fucking stupid.”
“What is, Phillip?” her voice was so gentle, it made his throat knot up.
The noise in his head, the buzz, that loved to remind him of all the ways he had fucked up, not being there when his dad was sick, showing up late to his funeral, coping with humor even if he cried every night of that seven day ritual…and almost losing her.
“I’m afraid…that you’ll leave me…” he said slowly, finally.
He remembered when Wendy told him she wouldn’t take him back, he believed her, because well, who would? It felt like a miracle to him, of some sort, but it also made him feel at the edge, like any time now, it could be taken from him.
“What?” she sounded in disbelief “Baby…what’s wrong?” she persisted.
“I just fear…” his arms were crossed tightly, trying to find the words so it would somehow sound coherent. “I’m afraid that you’ll find someone better, and that you’ll realize that I don't deserve you, and leave me for someone better.” it sounded even more crazy when he said it out loud, and it frustrated him “It’s a dumb fucking thing, it’s ridiculous and sad, and I know it, I know it doesn’t fucking make sense but…” he took a breath “I get scared.”
It was out, and he could try and keep explaining it but it would still not make sense, and he would be going round and round the same things, because that’s how he felt it, he was a little possessive over her, sure, but he was scared, scared that she’ll realize there are better guys, guys who went to college and tell witty jokes and don’t have mommy issues.
He pressed his lips tight, still not looking at her, but instead at her hand holding her jacket before he saw her put it down, walking slowly towards him. He lifted his gaze, and she looked sad as well, worry in her eyes.
“Baby…” she sighed, concerned as she hugged him, he smelled the shampoo on her hair “I'm not leaving you…I’m sorry, I'm sorry you feel like that, it must be tiring…” she observed softly, and he let himself relax, hugged her back gently.
He sighed under her hold, leaning his head on her shoulder, his heart beating just a little harder, and he snuggled against her hair, just feeling the warmth of her body under his palms.
“I'm not going anywhere” she spoke quietly, reassuring him, and lifted her head to look up at him “I like you, you are someone better, you’ve grown so much, and I'm just as in love with you now as I've been all of this time, and I know you love me, and that’s what’s best for me…”
She tilted her head forward, stretching up a little to press her forehead against his, and he tilted down to meet her gesture. He knew she wasn’t wrong, he knew he had made progress, between them, and with Rose, even with his family, but he wasn’t used to this much anxiety, and since starting this “growth”, he had been more anxious than he used to be.
“I’m sorry…” he said, eyes looking down into hers, she smiled and ran her fingers through the ends of his hair.
“Don’t be” she shook her head “It’s okay, you can talk to me you know that…” she pointed out, he nodded, he knew he could. “Do you want me to stay? she asked quietly.
No, she didn’t wanna keep her from going out, and having fun, not because he decided to break into honesty right now.
“No, no, it’s fine”
She gave him a soft smile, rubbing her nose against his, it made him smile, and she pulled away, her hands sliding down his neck to his chest.
“Well…do you wanna come with me?” she raised her eyebrows.
But he still wasn’t a fan of Noah, he still flirted with his girlfriend, after all.
“I think I like the other one better” he half joked.
She chuckled shortly, pressing her body closer to his.
“I don't wanna leave you alone…”
“I’m not gonna stop you from going out baby” as much as he would actually like her to stay with him because well, he always liked being with her, and her perfume smelled amazing.
“Fine…” she narrowed her eyes, and he smirked.
She stretched up again, catching his lips on hers, and he happily let her, molding his lips on her, her hands trailed up to his hair again, and his hands splayed on her back as they kissed, slowly, but growing deeper as he held her in his arms and she brushed her tongue on his lower lip.
“Fine, but…” she said in between kisses before pulling away just enough to look into his eyes. “I can still get there a little late…”
His eyelids were already dipped with lust before she said it, and he grinned down at her before chuckling darkly, trapping her lips again, deeper this time, possessive, he could have his doubts, his moments of worry, but at the end of the day it was him that made her moan against his mouth, that knew that sweet spot below her ear that drove her insane.
He turned them around, grabbing on her ass and lifting her up over the table, moving to kiss her neck, bite down on it, mark her. Maybe he couldn’t fuck her in front of her new coworker to show him who she belongs to, but he could still show she was his, make her his, every night…